can’t wait til these kids actually get married
I can’t wait to get married because its like a sleepover every night with your best friend.
progression of my boredom as I wait for a dink to come on skype
The Most Evil Shit I’ve Ever Pulled, by Siobhan Mortimer
One rainy morning in the spring of 1997, Siobhan got ready to leave the house for school. While wading through the closet to find her rubber boots, her mother stood in the kitchen, frantically filling up her older sister Sarah’s backpack with books and toys. Siobhan’s mother reminded her that she would be walking to school alone today, because mommy had to drive Sarah to Toronto for a dentist appointment. Sarah echoed her mother, and bragged to Siobhan about how she would get to stop at McDonalds on the way home.
Siobhan was mad. Siobhan wanted McDonalds, too. As her mother filed her daughters out the door, Siobhan fussed with her umbrella to prepare for the rainy walk ahead. Sarah hopped in the car and waved from the back seat as her mother reversed out of the driveway. Now alone, Siobhan looked at the sidewalk in front of her. She watched as the rain drops fell into the puddles, and smiled when she saw the worms crawl across the pavement. As she followed the route to school, she found it difficult not to stop and talk to the worm families. The worm families made her feel less alone, and since they looked bored and sad, she decided to take them along with her.
The walk was dreadful. The winds were strong, the rain was cold, and all Siobhan could think about was her sister happily holding a Happy Meal in their dry, warm car. Siobhan was more than mad now. She was pissed. People in Kindergarten should not be subject to such things! But Siobhan kept walking, and every time she picked up a new worm to add to her collection, she felt a little less pissed.
As she arrived at school, Siobhan emptied out her lunch box and filled it with her worms, for safekeeping. Upon being greeted by her teacher, Siobhan took off her jacket and boots and joined the class for circle time. During show-and-tell, Siobhan became anxious. She had forgotten to bring her special new Beanie Baby. She had nothing to show or tell. When the teacher called her name, Siobhan looked down at the blue speckled carpet in silence. After a few moments, the teacher skipped ahead to the next student. Meanwhile, her classmates began to make fun of her. “Siobhan doesn’t have a show and tell!!! Haha!!” they taunted. “Heehee,” they said. Siobhan, now mortified and angry, put her head between her knees, in hopes of hiding her shame.
After show and tell, the bell rang for morning recess. As her classmates eagerly ran outside to play in the puddles, Siobhan stayed behind, pacing alone in the hallway. She didn’t want to play with those assholes, she wanted McDonalds. And at that moment, Siobhan remembered her worm friends in her lunch box. As she reunited with her bug buddies, Siobhan then thought of a cool game that she could play this recess.
Siobhan tiptoed down the hallway, stopping at each coat hook to unzip the backpack hanging from it. While walking forward with her hands full of worms, she carefully dropped one in each backpack. After filling every backpack, Siobhan scurried off to the playground to preserve her innocence.
A few minutes later, the students walked back inside. Screams of horror filled the air. Girls cried, boys hollered, and teachers stood back in shock and fear. Siobhan screamed at her backpack, too. Soon after, the principal made an announcement over the P.A system. Who was responsible for this? One by one, delinquent boys from grades 3-6 were called into his office and interrogated.
Siobhan continued the rest of her day as normal. She coloured pictures, learned about numbers, and built castles out of blocks. When it was time to go home, Siobhan did not care that she would have to walk alone again all the way back home. She did not feel upset. She did not feel angry. Siobhan had had her revenge on the world, and it tasted better than any Happy Meal she had ever tried.
I call my wiener “the sequel” because it’s always a letdown compared to the one that came before it.
Ellis sitting with his miniature portrait.
penguin cat’s usual position
curious, alert, and slightly dumb looking
j-unkbox asked: Hey, I saw that you did your piercings yourself. I was curious, which (ear) piercings do you have?
Hi sorry you sent this like months ago and most likely no longer care but I have 10 ear piercings. I don’t know the proper names for them because I kind of just shoved the needle where I thought it would hurt the least but here are some oldish pictures of both sides:
I just have fake diamond studs and silver rings in them because I’m lazy but I’m thinking of getting fancier ones soon!
Anonymous asked: You're the kind of face who would probably look nicer and fresher without the pounds of makeup on. If you don't need it, don't wear it right?
"I’m the kind of face" eh? I really like putting make up on and I think the way I do mine is pretty nifty…so…I’m gonna choose to wear it most of the time…yeah…